Via the ever-excellent (and somehow missing from my blog-roll - doh!), ArcticIO - daft questions asked by tourists from a polar expedition guide.
My favourite has to be: "Does the midnight sun set above the horizon?"
I'd suggest visiting the ArcticIO page first if only for the photo at the top of the post. But there's more at the original source: Dioclese's blog.
Question: Do polar bears come out when it is light?
Answer: Yes, but they need to wear their sunglasses.
Q: Do the icebreakers make those icebergs?
A: Not anymore. The Titanic sunk the last one.
Q: Do the Vikings cause any ethnic problems in Norway these days?
A: No, they haven't come out of their graves recently.
Q: Do they have special charts for the extra ice in winter?
A: Yes. Global Warming skeptics are in charge of those.
Q: Do they sharpen the bows to make it easier for the ship to cut through the ice?
A: If I'm not mistaken, they use a chainsaw.
Q: Do the crew sleep aboard?
A: No. The ship returns to port every 12 hours. They sleep at their girlfriend's house.
Q: Does the midnight sun set above the horizon?
A: If it’s heavy enough it will go below the horizon. If it’s too light it, will float over the horizon.
Q: Does the world spin in the other direction at the North Pole?
A: No, it stops spinning altogether.
Q: Does this driftwood come from trees?
A: Some of it comes from grass.
Q: If it’s January at the South Pole what month is it at the North Pole?
A: Since the South Pole is at the opposite of the North Pole, the month should be the opposite of January. That would be December.
Q: Is it so cold at the poles because the Sun is farther away?
A: No. The poles are not cold because the Sun is further away from them. It’s the poles themselves that are further away from the Sun.
Q: Is it the waves, which push the glaciers so far inland?
A: No. It’s the glaciers that run away from the waves because they’re afraid of being melted.
Q: Is the North Pole farther north than we are now?
A: No. Polaris is further north.
Q: Is there such a thing as a female Sperm Whale?
A: No, they’re all gay.
Q: Is this island completely surrounded by water?
A: This one is but there are others that are completely surrounded by sand.
Q: They announced there were whales; why can I only see fins?
A: The whales are coming up but they haven’t caught up with their fins yet.
Q: What bird species made that pooh?
A: The species Cretinous Imbecilitas. They like asking stupid questions.
Q: What colour is that snow?
A: It’s white right now but it gets dark at night.
Q: What do the fish do when the tide goes out?
A: They have special scuba gear with tanks filled with sea water.
Q: What do they do with the glaciers in winter?
A: They get covered with blankets so that they don’t freeze to death.
Q: What is the local time at the North Pole?
A: Time stops at the North Pole.
Q: What is the maximum reported speed of fast ice?
A: Since we need light to see it, and thus make a report, it’s about 186,000 miles per second.
Q: What is the nationality of the Russian crew?
Q: What language is spoken at the North Pole?
Q: What makes that guano?
Q: When you said the Polar Circle was at 66½ degrees, is that in Fahrenheit or Centigrade?
Q: Where do the seals go when it rains?
A: Under the ice.
Q: Who owns those glaciers?
A: An ice making company.
Q: Why aren’t there any seat-belts on the Zodiacs?
A: They don’t have government regulations over there.
Q: Why do the whales keep coming to the surface?
A: They’re curious to see what we look like.
Q: Why don’t they build extensions to the historic huts so more people
can get in at once?
A: We haven’t found any historical extensions yet.
Q: Why is that side of the ship moving but this side isn’t?
A: It can’t make up it’s mind.
Q: Why is the horizon so bright at sunset?
A: Mirrors are set up so that we can get some extra daytime.
Q: Why is this island uninhabited?
A: Everyone moved because there being no people around.
Q: Will I be able to buy postcards at the abandoned village?
A: Yes. You’ll find them at the Ghost Town Gift Card store.
Q: Will the whale [be] surfacing at 10 o’clock be in the morning or the evening?
A: Both, so long as it’s watch is set right.
Q: Will you call me ten minutes before the next whale surfaces?
A: I’ll have the whale give you a ring.
Ahh, the comment I made seems to have been lost. Anyway, thanks Villalobos. You gave me a chuckle after a long hard day at work.
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